Author Debunks Myths About Domestic Violence Amid Miller Case

Allegations of domestic violence against Ohio Congressman Max Miller, which he denies, have brought renewed attention to common myths and stereotypes surrounding abuse, according to an NPR interview with author and survivor Leslie Morgan Steiner.

Miller's ex-wife, Emily Moreno, has said he scalded her with hot water, pushed her against a wall and held a gun to her head. Miller has denied the allegations in a livestreamed video, saying he was never charged with a crime and asking, "If I had assaulted her, would she had offered to cook me dinner six days later?" A spokesperson for Miller said every allegation against him has been investigated by authorities and none was substantiated. Moreno's spokesperson did not respond to NPR's request for comment.

Speaking to NPR's Michel Martin, Steiner — author of the memoir "Crazy Love" and a longtime adviser to the National Domestic Violence Hotline — said behavior that looks like normalcy after alleged abuse, including denial or recantation, is a common survival tactic. "The victim knows better than anybody else how dangerous an abuser is," she said, adding that appeasing an abuser helps de-escalate danger and is "not proof that the incident didn't happen."

Steiner also pushed back on the idea that only people without resources stay in abusive relationships. She said she held a Harvard degree, had no children and faced no family pressure to stay, yet still could not leave her own abusive husband, who she said held loaded guns to her head and strangled her regularly. "What really traps you in abusive relationships is the psychology of it," she said, noting many victims see themselves as the only person who understands the abuser and want to protect him.

Asked how public cases like Miller's land with survivors, Steiner said they are initially "chilling" but ultimately have an upside. For years, she said, there was a myth that abuse behind closed doors should stay private — a framing she said Miller has invoked by calling the matter a private family issue. But public discussion, she argued, is necessary to end domestic violence and child abuse.

Steiner advised anyone worried about a friend or family member to gently express concern rather than making accusations, saying simply letting someone know you're there can break the silence around abuse.